Christopher Moore
- Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal
This book you've read is just a story. I made it up. It is not designed to change anyone's beliefs or worldviews, unless after reading it you've decided to be kinder to your fellow humans (which is okay), or you decide you really would like to teach yoga to an elephant, in which case, please get a videotape.
William Goldman
- The Princess Bride
Flailing and thrashing, Buttercup wept and tossed and paced and wept some more, and there have been three great cases of jealousy since David of Galilee was first afflicted with the emotion when he could no longer stand the fact that his neighbor Saul's cactus outshone his own (Originally, jealousy pertained solely to plants, other people's cactus or ginkgoes, or later, when there was grass, which is why, even to this day, we say that someone is green with jealousy).