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Joel Hawes
Whoa, my first 170 wpm quote!

r/ShowerThoughts
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Indrajit Roy Choudhury (original)
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tootsieroll's quotes

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Anonymous - Egg Cream Recipe
Get a tall glass. Pour in one inch of chocolate syrup, then one inch of milk. Do not mix the two. Pour in cold seltzer slowly until the glass is almost full. Then carefully stir. There should be a layer of white foam at the top.

Anonymous
How can you believe that we are the only life form in the universe? We're not the only life form on this planet. The universe includes this planet; ergo, we are not the only life form in the universe.

Anonymous - On One Direction's "What Makes You Beautiful"
If not knowing that she is beautiful makes her beautiful, then listening to the song will immediately erase her beauty. However, once she realizes she is no longer beautiful, she knows that she is not beautiful. This makes her beautiful once again. This cycle repeats infinitely.

Jim Halpert - Dwight's Complaint
Oh, that actually took a while. I had to put more and more nickels into his handset until he got used to the weight. And then I just took them all out.

Anonymous - On Patriotism
Some people mean well but express the wrong form of patriotism. They love the country like they love their parents: they are grateful for the opportunities they have received, and they do their best to tolerate or ignore its flaws. Instead, we should love our country the way we love our children: unconditionally, but with the knowledge that it is our responsibility to shape its future and do our best to guide it away from its flaws.

Anonymous
If we know that someone was in possession of the Ring of Gyges, we can and should assume, for the sake of our own safety, that he used it and is not to be trusted.

Oscar Martinez - Corporate Ethics Seminar
No, this isn't ethics. Ethics is a philosophical discussion of the competing conceptions of the good. This is just the corporate anti-shoplifting rules.

Anonymous
There is no moral justification for justice when it means revenge. The concept of karma appeals to the human desire to see others suffer for what they have done wrong. This does not make it permissible to hurt a person, regardless of what that person has done to deserve it.

Anonymous - Every day is the same lately.
You need to make a change. It doesn't matter in what way. I'm not saying you should start doing things without thinking, but you should start doing things without a reason. Wear a red clip-on necktie on Tuesdays. Start referring to yourself as a "son of a gun." Sing in the elevator. It doesn't matter. You need to break the monotony.

Anonymous - Please, Michael
Look her in the eye, and ask the question. She will answer honestly, but as usual, you'll assume she's being sarcastic. Please listen to me: she is not being sarcastic. She is being truthful and straightforward. It is time for you to realize she doesn't love you and move on.

Anonymous
Everyone takes marriage for granted, but it doesn't really make sense. Why should a romantic or sexual relationship be a prerequisite for sharing a household, a bank account, a tax return and a health insurance policy? Love is love, and platonic love is equal to romantic love.

Anonymous
Love is neither patient nor kind. It is cruel and relentless. He who does not know this has never known love, and he should thank the heavens for this.

Anonymous
I do not fear death, so long as death is the end of existence. I fear the possibility that our consciousness survives the physical death; whether we go to heaven or hell, it would turn to hell eventually, and so it would remain for all eternity.