I'm sorry but this quote is just straight up offensive. I stopped after the first sentence.

Yeah, you can always tell early on when someone has submitted a quote that they made up on their own. Is black the color of death, or just the color of the creeping? as it creeps would be more effective if you mean death, or possesive with a gerund, death's creeping if you mean the creeping. From the second sentence on it isn't too clear what "it" refers to, black or death? Black is your subject, but yet it is just the color of something, again to use as it creeps would establish death as it right there and make it read better the rest of the way. My guess is that "when you are in the pain" is just a typing error. Keep writing and keep improving.