Louis C.K.
If you're a cartoon character or most TV characters, sure, you'll fight, because the punches are juicy-sounding and they don't leave marks. But in real life, if somebody punches you in the eye, it doesn't make any noise and your eye is swollen for, like, six months. It's a nightmare to get punched in the eye.
Tina Fey
Lesson learned? When people say, 'You really, really must' do something, it means you don't really have to. No one ever says, 'You really, really must deliver the baby during labor.' When it's true, it doesn't need to be said.
Tina Fey
- Bossypants
I'm not really one for status symbols. I went to public school. I have all my original teeth and face parts. When left to my own devices, I dress like I'm here to service your aquarium.
