I don't know how to get up, and be normal, and do normal everyday things. Yet, somehow I do. Some days I'm proud, and other days... I just want to cry, because I feel like that means that I'm somehow forgetting you. You don't deserve that. But then, I look at my son, and think to myself, he doesn't deserve to see me this way. It's not his fault. I'm literally caught between the dead and the living, and I don't know how to balance the two...
I'm very touched by this quote. I lost my husband of seven years three years ago and I felt the same way...I felt that everything was a struggle, but in a way I was glad for the struggle because I felt that a man of his caliber deserved to be mourned...and a lot. But then I would feel guilty because I was trying to keep it together for our five kids
Do know that it gets better. You find a way to keep the one you lost in your heart while opening yourself up to life again. I actually got re-married a few months ago...that was hard...but also fantastic. Just don't close the door on being happy...your lost loved one wouldn't want that for you.