Louis CK
- People suck
I was on an airplane and there was internet, high speed internet on the airplane. That's the newest thing that I know exists. And I'm sitting on the plane and they go, "Open up your laptop and you can go on the Internet!" And it's fast and I'm watching YouTube clips; it's amazing. And then it breaks down and they apologize the Internet is not working and the guy next to me goes, "This is bullshit." Like how quickly the world owes him something he knew existed only ten seconds ago.
Louis CK
- Everything's Amazing and Nobody's Happy
Well, yeah, 'cause now we live in an amazing world and it's wasted on the crappiest generation of just spoiled idiots that don't care because this is what people are like now. They got their phone and they're like, "Ugh, it won't..." Give it a second! It's going to space! Would you give it a second to get back from space?!
Mitch Hedberg
- Go around!
I had a neighbor, and whenever he would knock on my wall I knew he wanted me to turn my music down, and that made me angry because I like loud music, so when he knocked on the wall I'd mess with his head. I'd say, "Go around! I cannot open the wall. I don't know if you have a doorknob on the other side, but over here there's nothing. It's just flat."
