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Brenda Shaughnessy
Well you can actually make it go slower than 1 second per second if you …

Anonymous
changed eve to even

Some Disney Princess
I swear, didn't that happen to the Mongolian Empire lol

Satan
NO. JUST NO. WHY. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO REMIND ME OF THIS ABSOLUTE TORTURE

Kawish
Friday is my favourite day of the week too! Like you get to do something …

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President John F. Kennedy - Address before the American Newspaper Publishers Association, April 27, 1961
Athenian lawmaker, Solon, decreed it a crime for any citizen to shrink from controversy. And that is why our press was protected by the First Amendment, the only business in America specifically protected by the Constitution, not primarily to amuse and entertain, not to emphasize the trivial and the sentimental, not to simply "give the public what it wants," but to inform, to arouse, to reflect, to educate, and sometimes even anger public opinion.

Sam Hyde
The university intellectuals also play an important role in carrying out the System's trick. Though they like to fancy themselves independent thinkers, the intellectuals are (allowing for individual exceptions) the most oversocialized, the most conformist, the tamest and most domesticated, the most pampered, dependent, and spineless group today. As a result, their impulse to rebel is particularly strong. But, because they are incapable of independent thought, real rebellion is impossible.

Duckman - Exerpt of monologue from - Joking the Chicken
It's precisely when humor is offensive that we need it most. Comedy should provoke! Comedy should always leave you different than when it found you! Sure, humor can hurt, even alienate, but the risk is better than the alternative: a steady diet of innocuous, childproof, flavorless mush! Demand to be challenged! To be offended! To be treated like thinking, reasoning adults! And raise your children to be the same! Don't let anyone take away your freedom to laugh at whatever you want.

1943 Directive - Smear Technique
When certain obstructionists become too irritating, label them after suitable buildups and use the prestige of tolerance organizations to discredit them. In the public mind, constantly associate those who oppose with those names which already have a bad smell. The association will, after enough repetition, become fact in the public mind.

Alexander Hamilton
The influx of foreigners must, therefore, tend to produce a heterogeneous compound; to change and corrupt the national spirit; to complicate and confound public opinion; to introduce foreign propensities.

Alan M. Dershowitz
Fools who are trying to read the Second Amendment out of the Constitution by claiming it's not an individual right or that it's too much of a public safety hazard, don't see the danger in the big picture. They're courting disaster by encouraging others to use the same means to eliminate portions of the Constitution they don't like.

Stefan Molyneux
If you spend time with crazy and dangerous people, remember - their personalities are socially transmitted diseases; like water poured into a container, most of us eventually turn into - or remain - whoever we surround ourselves with. We can choose our tribe, but we cannot change that our tribe is our destiny.

George Washington
A free people ought not only to be armed, but disciplined; to which end a uniform and well-digested plan is requisite; and their safety and interest require that they should promote such manufactories as tend to render them independent of others for essential, particularly military, supplies.

John F. Kennedy
No country can possibly move ahead, no free society can possibly be sustained, unless it has an educated citizenry whose qualities of mind and heart permit it to take part in the complicated and increasingly sophisticated decisions that pour not only upon the President and upon the Congress, but upon all the citizens who exercise the ultimate power.

Suzy Kassem
Any system that values profit over human life is a very dangerous one indeed. Simply put, it lacks values, and such a system will eventually collapse once its true light is discovered by the masses. Though some say that capitalism is a modern system, corruption has been the source for the demise of every great civilization.

Henry Steele Commager
The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion. In the long run it will create a generation incapable of appreciating the difference between independence of thought and subservience.

Charles Bukowski
Censorship is the tool of those who have the need to hide actualities from themselves and from others. Their fear is only their inability to face what is real, and I can't vent any anger against them. I only feel this appalling sadness. Somewhere, in their upbringing, they were shielded against the total facts of our existence. They were only taught to look one way when many ways exist.

Harry S. Truman - Special Message to the Congress on the Internal Security of the United States
Once a government is committed to the principle of silencing the voice of opposition, it has only one way to go, and that is down the path of increasingly repressive measures, until it becomes a source of terror to all its citizens and creates a country where everyone lives in fear.

Mark Twain
Adam was but human - this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent.

Modernized conclusion of a film titled "A Brief Affair"
Some time in the future, you may have the opportunity to serve as a juror in a so-called obscenity case. It would be wise to remember that the same people who would stop you from viewing a YouTube video may be back next year to complain about a person, or even an opinion. If you can be told what you can see or read, then it follows that you can be told what to say or think. Defend your constitutionally protected rights - no one else will do it for you. Thank you.

Sam Hyde - on Buzzfeed coverage of Adult Swim's "World Peace"
In these articles, they are trying to take a comedy show that was made with the help of black people, Jews, women, gay people, etc. and paint it as "Nazi propaganda."We don't hate anyone. Comedy has the power to relieve racial tension and heal divisions and that's one of the best things about it. We make fun of everyone on our show, including and especially white people.

Abraham Lincoln - Letter to Horace Greeley
If I could save the Union without freeing any slave I would do it, and if I could save it by freeing all the slaves I would do it; and if I could save it by freeing some and leaving others alone I would also do that. What I do about slavery, and the colored race, I do because I believe it helps to save the Union; and what I forbear, I forbear because I do not believe it would help to save the Union.

Sam Harris
By lying, we deny others a view of the world as it is. Our dishonesty not only influences the choices they make, it often determines the choices they can make - and in ways we cannot always predict. Every lie is a direct assault upon the autonomy of those we lie to.

John Cleese
The really good idea is always traceable back quite a long way, often to a not very good idea which sparked off another idea that was only slightly better, which somebody else misunderstood in such a way that they then said something which was really rather interesting.

Sam Hyde
There's nothing left that's just "funny"- everything has to be politically charged in one way or another. Even bland, mindless FunnyOrDie garbage is political by virtue of how adamantly they refuse to deal with all the hysteria by which we're surrounded. Turning a blind eye, carrying on as usual, that's a political statement all by itself.